Today's impulse: self-reflection and goal-setting.
I have never been one to truly plan on or stick to resolutions. I am generally quite skeptical and negative about that type of thing. I also believe in constant self-reflection, though often more self-critical than self-affirming, but only in about the last two years have I made goals and expectations out of my personal reflections.
I do have goals. I do have passions to pursue. I do have expectations for my life and career. I am more prone to self-reflection and goal-setting on my birthday but found myself lost in thought today. Maybe this year, having written this out for all (read: me) to see I will follow up and through on my thoughts at the beginning of this new year.
A small list of things I hope to accomplish this year: I want to continue my journey to healthy habits by sticking to my exercise plans (5-6 days per week), trying new recipes and restaurants (at least 3 per month), becoming more financially stable and smart, and strengthening the connections I have to my family and close friends. New goals I have are to make career moves and goals at my current institution by June 1, to create a list of at least 20 activities I would like to try before January 1, 2014, and to actually focus on dating.
Today I was reading the January issue of Real Simple, a favorite magazine of mine, and it obviously focused on making 2013 a great year through goals and other things. I really enjoyed the article "10 Things Your Mother Didn't Teach You." My first thought at skimming the 10 ideas was that my mother is truly amazing having modeled much of the behavior included. Upon further reflection, she has done so without really drawing attention to much of it.
One idea from a research expert quoted in the article really stuck with me on one particular goal I set for myself on my 28th birthday. The section was "How to Take a Compliment." The expert, a clinical psychology instructor at Harvard, said that one of the reasons we do not take compliments well is the cultural expectation, however outdated, that we appear humble to praise. He goes on to say that the humility is also "a form of protection: 'We all just want to be loved and valued, but we walk around holding our breath about the ways in which we aren't.'" This really resonated with me. I went through a process of losing weight and becoming a healthier and happier person. This journey came to its culmination around my 28th birthday in reaching my goal weight a few weeks prior and meeting Lifetime Membership status with Weight Watchers, through which I was learning to be healthy the week of my big day. One thing that happened time after time as I went through that process, and also since, has been many compliments and comments about my physical appearance. When I was heavier and unhappy with myself compliments were few and far between as well as received with skepticism and dismissal. I often told myself that not only did I not deserve a compliment on my looks while being overweight and unhealthy but people must be really stretching to say such things to me as they could not possibly be true.
How many of us do this to ourselves? We learn from an early age to be confident in our self and our abilities but not too confident as to appear cocky and prideful. We are told to love ourselves as we are but that there are serums, medicines, clothing, acccessories, makeup, and procedures that can alter our appearance to others' liking. I learned from both of my parents that life is not an easy or obvious road but that you work on what you have and love those around you and you get through it together.
I think one major goal I would like to actually mark off my list in the coming year is to learn how to give and take compliments. This concept does not mean I want to have people tell me how great I look all the time. The skill of taking compliments, and therefore giving them properly, has a lot more to do with being present and being kind. Though I am a highly observant person I often choose not to say complimentary things to people. It is partly as the article stated, I want to appear humble and therefore do not want to invite comments toward myself. It is also often a self-conscious action as making comments on others' appearance, thoughts, or actions shows them just what I am observing and I do not want that to make another person self-conscious as I make myself in similar situations. I want to learn to take a compliment without analyzing why someone would give it and I want to give compliments with the sincerity they deserve.
I think this is also about focusing more on the positive and learning from every experience and person. It is about constant observation, being present, and choosing words wisely. These are all things I would like to say that I do naturally.
Here's to ending 2012 on a high note but expecting so much more of myself in 2013 and beyond.
Happy New Year to you as well. May you find your life filled with happiness.
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